I face quite the challenge, in about 9 to 10 weeks I am going to be a first time Dad. I am going to take everything I have ever learnt and try and pass it on to another human being.
I hope I have learnt enough, I hope I know enough. I always hear people say I want the best for my kids, and of course I do too.
But I want something more.
I want to learn some new things as well.
I spoke with a colleague recently and he mentioned to me, when he teaches his new son something, he re-learns it himself. He takes away the illusion of that item, the familiarity and breaks it down to it’s simplest form. He almost, discovers it again for the first time. I look forward to those moments. I look forward to discovering again and in Master Yoda’s words “You must re-learn, what you have learned” seems an appropriate quote as any.
People say it changes you, possibly the very first moment of holding the newborn is when it happens. I have thought about this moment for sometime, and I am not sure how I am going to react. I know that my own worries and fears will amplify, when I hold the new born for the first time. I know that when I look at him or her, I will see Kerrie for the rest of my life. I know that what little drive I have left as I enter my late 30’s will amplify and become a roaring fire. It will fuel half of our our family for many decades, while we raise a new human.
Deep down, I have this want, this need for the new born to teach me about who I am. I like to believe I am very in tune with my surroundings and my body and mind. But, this new life could change all that, it might ask me to question what I know and what I don’t.
It might be too much to ask this new born to teach me, but I don’t believe I ever knew I was teaching my Dad something about himself. Actually, I probably still am teaching him things everyday without even knowing it.
So, what will I learn as I teach my child the ways of the world as I know it, and will I pass if a test appears. Will I rise above and excel, or will I crash and burn and wonder where it all went wrong?
Time will tell, but as I have said before, I can only guide them, I can’t control them as that would be to deny them the very feeling of being human.